Tag Archives: Judgment

Flattery and Empathy

LtL- Flattery and empathy, do not confuse

Wow. I gained insight today as I read about a man named Gadianton “who was exceedingly expert in many words.” He used flattery, others bought into it, and it turned out to be more destructive through its ripple effect than could ever be imagined!

I concluded that it’s important that we DO NOT CONFUSE FLATTERY, which is insincere praise, WITH EMPATHY, which is a sincere seeking to understand another’s situation or feelings.

I realized that many good-hearted, empathetic people in our day may confuse flattery with empathy. Many stay in more-than-difficult situations because they see what seems to be good in another person and think it’s empathy, when underneath, in the heart of the other, there is deceit and calculated choices.   Destruction is  brewing.

Developing the quality of discernment is important in our lives today. Discernment is keen perception or insight.  To me, this must be coupled with the influence and insight that comes from God into our own hearts, so that we may see clearly and know clearly what to do next in our lives and in our relationships.

The influence of good-hearted people is needed in our ever-darkening world.  We must continue to shine the light of our positive influence without fear of being used and abused.  To do this, I can see that discernment is needed, so we do not become prey to those with deceitful desires and self-centered, destructive purposes in their hearts.

We must also check our own heart and the methods we use to interact with others.  Do we simply use flattery (insincere praise) to get our own way, or are we truly connecting heart-to-heart through empathy.  We all long to be loved, appreciated and cared about.  Choosing empathy is choosing a path to healthy connections if both parties have empathy in their hearts.  Choosing flattery leaves you feeling emotionally flat and alone–even in a crowd.

Reference to Gadianton:  Helaman 2:4-14 in the Book of Mormon

About Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Carolyn Calton is an online educator and ReNEW YOU Life Strategist. As founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com, CarolynCalton.com and as CEO of Ron Newsom’s LiahonaLightAcademy.com, Carolyn helps sincere, determined men and women embrace with certainty a safe, secure framework for creating their own brighter and happier future TODAY—no matter their past. Turning heartache to happiness, those who Join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles at FamilyTreeQuest.com, learn how to turn stress, anxiety, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace in order to renew and regenerate themselves, their families and family lines.

Judgment?

Families and relationships are in desparate need of added health, healing and happiness  this holiday season.

Some of TODAY’s ChangeMakers look toward holiday get-togethers with happiness and joyful anticipation.

Many of TODAY’s ChangeMakers are dreading the holidays and get-togethers with family and/or friends because of negaitive family patterns (put-downs, sarcasm, bickering, abuse, etc.) and destructive traditions that bring pain to the heart and mind of those who cross the threshold of interacting in social settings.

Whatever your situation, here’s some Food for Thought as we gather together in our holiday celebrations and meet people in stores or on the highways. In fact, it’s good advice the whole year round.

judgment vs charity

Here’s some of the rest of what Thomas S. Monson said:

I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.

There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.
Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. The American educator and politician Horace Mann once said, “To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is godlike.”

Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others. …

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out. ~Thomas S. Monson

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/charity-never-faileth?lang=eng

About Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Carolyn Calton is an online educator and ReNEW YOU Life Strategist. As founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com, CarolynCalton.com and as CEO of Ron Newsom’s LiahonaLightAcademy.com, Carolyn helps sincere, determined men and women embrace with certainty a safe, secure framework for creating their own brighter and happier future TODAY—no matter their past. Turning heartache to happiness, those who Join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles at FamilyTreeQuest.com, learn how to turn stress, anxiety, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace in order to renew and regenerate themselves, their families and family lines.

The Pain of Judgment- Looking through windows

I loved this talk by Thomas Monson.  Criticism and harsh judgments can be like poison to our own soul and to relationships.

We should be careful about judging others, as we may be looking through our own “unclean windows.”

“There’s really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of
someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize.
Thus the commandment:  judge not.

About Carolyn Calton